Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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