No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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