WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
