haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
