i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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