mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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