Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
