I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
