it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
