I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Acid is not a monday night drug
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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