Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
