I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
