Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
