Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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