I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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