Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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