i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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