you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize