How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
