there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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