but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I will be naked everywhere
The uberlube is also flammable
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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