Don't you send me to vm
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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