I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Couch. On fire.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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