i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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