Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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