I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I need water and some morals
Randomize
