Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
