I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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