Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
