I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
