I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
