I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
