I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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