she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize