just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
