i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
