I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
