Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
