she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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