Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize