I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
