I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
