just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Houston, we have a squirter
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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