Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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