Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
