I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
