What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
her vagine was all disorganized.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We talked him into tasing himself.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
