ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize