...so i touched it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
