is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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