your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I AM VODKA MAN
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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