is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
