And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
