You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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