Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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