Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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