In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need water and some morals
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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