i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
