hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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