no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
