sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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