it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
