i was rollin on her like bob the builder
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My penis needs a shock collar
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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