life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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