I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
