She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
