I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
