How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
