You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
