I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
