I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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