It's Friday. Sex?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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