it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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