i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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