High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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