i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
