My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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