do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize