Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
