Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
