Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
