Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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