If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize