Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
