well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize