I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
