omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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