I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
