Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
