Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
