I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
