You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
