so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize