My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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