he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He passed out mid-signature
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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