Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
