Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
