He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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