I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize