The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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