just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize