Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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