Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
