My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
