Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
