I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
