I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
