So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
